Resiliency & Positivity: Beat Negative Self-talk

“I went backwards. It was going so well and now I’m back at the beginning, starting over, or worse.” 

We’ve all been there. That dreaded “step back” in recovery or training. We feel like we hit a wall and may have even made things worse. Doubt climbs in – am I wasting my time, is this goal too ambitious, are those days behind me, have I already peaked? 

A good coach will talk you off this ledge, pointing out both progress and the hard truth that recovery, or training, is never linear. We have good days, we have bad days, we have leaps, we have set backs – that is all normal. But it doesn’t make a setback feel good. Especially in a state where your body is changing, there are unknowns and you’re not sure what your body is currently capable of. Are you fragile? Are you strong? Is this okay? Is it permanent? 

There are many tools to talk yourself off these ledges – resilience and positivity are one set. With some practice, you can build these skills that have a major impact on the mental aspect of your training and recovery. 

What is Resiliency and Positivity?

Spoiler alert – building resiliency and positivity helps overcome challenges and unknowns. As an athlete, you can identify with challenges and unknowns in a training cycle. Pregnancy and motherhood bring additional unknowns, transitions and challenges.

Resiliency is the ability to persevere in the face of stress and anxiety (hello new body, new baby, new sleep!) and positivity is the ability to see hope, gratitude and optimistic attitudes even in difficult situations – one of the few guarantees of pregnancy and motherhood.

Psychological Toolbox:

Turning negative thoughts to positive thoughts

The psychological toolbox represents the tools that you have to focus on mindset through pregnancy and postpartum (and in other aspects of life). The practice of turning negative thoughts into positive is a tool that can help improve both resilience and positivity. 

The negative spiral

I wanted to provide a personal experience that happened as I was writing this post. It is a good example of three key steps: Identify the negative thought; transition to neutral; then to positive. 

At 7 weeks postpartum, I had minor prolapse, but good strength, core and pelvic floor control. My PT gave me the green light try running. I started slow, followed guidelines, and the first two runs felt great – I was shocked. At the same time, I had started to get back on the peloton and could finally keep up with the classes, getting competitive with other riders. I felt like a champ – I had turned a corner – I was “back in the game.”

Fast forward 4 days: I added 2 sets into my run, taking it from 4 sets of 1 min run; 4 min walk to 6 sets. Things feel great running…I think. The next day, things feel off. I can’t tell if I’m thinking about it, so I notice it, or if things are actually worse, so I take a day off, go for a walk with my sister, and take it easy. 

The next day, I try to go for a run. I make it 20 seconds into my first run set and know it’s not going to happen. I get back in the car and decide to treat myself at the coffee shop instead of going home defeated. I’m a bit stubborn – on my drive to the coffee shop, I decide there is no way that 20 seconds could tell me anything, so I decide to give it another go. I do 30 seconds run, walk, then another 30 seconds – the run is a no-go. 

Enter the negative self-talk spiral

“I went backwards. It was going so well and now I’m back at the beginning, starting over, or worse. I can’t believe I got so confident and over did it. That was stupid.” – To be honest, the self-talk continued to spiral all the way into thoughts about not giving baby #2 the same time and activity as my first (he’s 8 weeks…not a lot of “activity” is happening at this point). 

Pushing sunshine and rainbows at this point is not realistic – but you can start to identify the negative thoughts – and transition them to neutral thoughts. Easier said than done, but here is what this may look like:

Step 1: Identify the “Negative thought” 

In my example, it’s pretty obvious these are negative thoughts. My feelings are defeated and pessimistic. So yes, identifying is “easy” from that perspective. The tricky part, though, is being able to take a step back to think – this is negative, I am in a negative spiral – pause. 

Step 2: Transition negative to a “Neutral thought” 

This step may take talking to someone or talking to yourself. In my scenario – it was talking to my husband, I had already identified the dramatic, emotional, negative response (step 1) and in talking to him, I was able to switch back to a neutral thought (step 2).

“I am sad that I am not yet at a point where I should be running. I am still recovering from childbirth and I want that to be going faster. I struggle without having objective feedback if this is better or worse. I have a desire to be running again.”

The difference – neutral is stating the facts and removes blame or expectations. Taking cues from toddler behavior training – it’s okay to have the feelings, and it’s important to name the feelings, and that helps us cope and react more rationally. So that is the value of step 2 – it removes you from being emotional, to recognizing those emotions, it takes you one step away.

Step 3: Generate a “Positive thought”

The next step is to take a neutral thought, and look at it with a lens of hope, optimism or positivity. This may be a future step if this is a new practice for you. It may take support to get there. In my example, it was my husband simply asking – how would you talk to a client about this? Well..duh 🤦‍♀️.

I tried to run and I’m not yet ready to run. That’s frustrating and that’s okay. I have a strong team in place with my PT, I have a path to running, and I am able to listen to my body to know when it is too soon to run. I have an appointment next week and we can discuss this. I appreciate that I am in tune with my body to know when to pull back, so that I don’t make it worse, and this will let me return to running in the future, even if that is not right now. 

In the positive thought, you will see we are not saying “that’s fine, I’m happy today!” or “You’re only 8 weeks” and dismissing the feelings. No – I’m still pissed! And that’s okay. I also have a plan forward, and I know there is a path. And yes, there are unknowns – but I have a plan and a strong team to get me through those unknowns. 

If you can’t get to the positive – that’s okay to start with. Instead of transitioning to positive, try to identify what is preventing you from getting there:

• Knowledge – do you not know how to get answers, who to talk to, or who can help build a plan with you?

• Support – do you know what to expect, but don’t have the support to help achieve it?

• Desire – does this not matter to you? Is it not important? If so – then you may be able to let it go!

Building Resiliency and positivity

Skills that can be learned and improved – and help us navigate difficult circumstances. 

You have control to improve this. It’s easier said than done, and sometimes, that emotional response feels better in the moment. So take that moment. And I challenge you, once it’s passed, take a minute to practice building positivity and resilience with one of these tactics:

• Think of a negative thought you had today – and turn it neutral — just the first two steps. If you can turn it positive, optimistic or hopeful, that’s great, but not where you need to start. 

• If you’re struggling to find the positive – identify what’s preventing it and how you can remove those barriers. Maybe it’s support, knowledge, brainstorming.

If you found this interesting, keep checking back or sign up for the newsletter for more mindset resources on well-being and building a growth mindset. 

Resources:

Lyubomirsky S, King L, Diener E. The benefits of frequent positive affect: does happiness lead to success? Psychol Bull 2005;131(6):803–855.

Girls Gone Strong Textbook. Chapter ___